the cycle of growing into a hero

Working in the group was very stressful because i was forced into a schedule that honestly didn’t fit for me and in working with so many other people i kinda shut down and consequently didn’t give much input to the project. while working on the project i just kinda did what i was told, the opposite of what the whole cycle of hero’s was teaching so i was not the hero in this adventure. though i did learn to be more attentive to what the group wants and put others needs before my own, which i primarily didn’t do. in working on the project it was hard to write to a bunch of standards that i didn’t fully understand. i would have also liked to be more creative with the poster. i feel as though i was not a part of that project and i didn’t let any of me flow through it letting me enjoy it more. i would have liked to do a similar project but on a smaller scale and on my own because then i could completely dictate the situation and be much more creative with it. in my opinion creativity is the most essential thing to any project and this project didn't feel to have much of that and was consequently not the most satisfying project to put my time and energy into.

The hero cycle project was very opening of how prevalent the hero cycle is. my groups movie, Pocahontas, followed the hero cycle quite well. the movie went through each step and it was different to watch the movie from that perspective. i don't think i shall ever look at a movie the same way again. in watching the other posters i wish they were more interesting, but i wish that about my own as well. it almost got a little boring watching all the hero cycles go by, its amazing that so many movies do that same cycle and we never get bored of it. its amazing that so many people are so drawn to that particular cycle and if its different it doesn’t interest the population anymore. it seems as though that's what we all strive for and what we want to do as a person. its the cycle we know we have to go through in order to grow and in the end that's the goal.

Don't Drown

just go to sleep now the sun is falling

fall into the water let yourself drown

fill your mind with the rainbow the sun stole

play it over in your mind sleep one more peaceful dream

because when you wake i will have been lost

the sun pulled me with it, stole me

like i was one of its colors

but this night will never rise

i’m drowning and i don't know where

i can feel myself falling but i don't know why

i’ve fallen through a trap door

i never saw it coming

i know exactly where i am but i can’t remember the way out

i can feel my lungs being filled again

its a beautiful story

but this story has a twist

because air is nonexistent

and when they fill its not full of life

its full of the liquid death slowly stealing me away

do you recognize this part of me?

the part i left behind

but i’ve fallen back in time

and i get to live this maze again

a little pet mouse scurries to find the reward

but never quite gets there in time

i’m drowning and i don't know where

i can feel myself falling but i don't know why

i’ve fallen through a trap door

i never saw it coming

i know exactly where i am but i can’t remember the way out

i see you in the mirror staring right at me

is there something you want to tell me

don't you dare leave me again

just stay right where you are you need to keep me sane

don't you even think about leaving me here alone

won’t you just wait for me to change the tone

you’re drowning and i will show you where

i can see you falling and i will help you know why

you’ve fallen through a trap door

i never saw it coming

i know exactly where we are and i will show you the way out

i can see the pain you hide in your eyes

i can see them even in your lies

won’t you just take my hand

and lets sail ‘till we find the land

because i will never leave you

and you know in your heart this is true

you’re drowning and i will show you where

i can see you falling and i will help you know why

you’ve fallen through a trap door

i never saw it coming

i know exactly where we are and i will show you the way out

because i know you’re value and i know you're worth

please don't you ever leave this earth

i just wish you could see

just how much you mean to me

and how many need you to stay

we will love you every day

you’re drowning and i will show you where

i can see you falling and i will help you know why

you’ve fallen through a trap door

i never saw it coming

i know exactly where we are and i will show you the way out

don't you ever leave

battling depression

around the middle of 7th grade my life started going downhill. around that time i started questioning my sexuality as well as started struggling with keeping myself happy. i had many weeks at a time when i would cry myself to sleep nearly every night. around this time i started developing fake smiles trying to hide myself. this was the start of the symptoms of my brain chemicals becoming imbalanced causing depression. in early 8th grade it just got worse and worse. i started cutting in the 8th grade. at first it wasn’t very bad but it quickly progressed worse and worse. a little time later my parents found out and set me up with  therapist. i didn’t get along with the therapist and i lied and lied. i lied to nearly everyone around me. everyone thought i was happy as could be but on the inside i was dying. as the 8th grade year progressed i got worse and worse and i got better and better at lying. i started going to less and less sessions with my therapist because she thought i was getting better, but i was just getting better at lying. in April of the 8th grade i stopped going to my therapist completely. shortly after i had given up completely. i was in a place of extreme depression that no words could possibly describe. on the 17th of April i attempted suicide. on that night i sat down and i wrote a goodbye letter to my friends and family and i took a whole bottle of over one hundred pills. i spent the whole night waiting to die, i wanted to. when most people attempt suicide they later freak out and they go tell someone because they don't want to actually die. i didn’t tell anyone. it was over 24 hours between when i took the pills to when the police came to my house. at this point i just told them because i didn’t feel like i had a choice. i was then taken to a medical hospital and stayed there for 4 days so they could fix me up fromt eh damage i had done to myself. i was then transferred to a mental hospital and i stayed there for 9 days. when i got out was when the recovery process really started. i got a new therapist that i got along with and i worked on being true and for the past year and a half i have been slowly recovering, its been slow and painful but i’m trying. my hero cycle has been about me trying to overcome the imbalance of my brain chemicals. its not something most people can see and understand but it has been the past 3 years of my life, so to me its everything.

a quote with a thousand messages

Furthermore, we have not even to risk the adventure alone, for the heroes of all time have gone before us. the labyrinth is thoroughly known. We have only to follow the thread of the hero path, and where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god. and where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves. where we has thought to travel outward, we will come to the center of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we will be with all the world.

-Joseph Campbell

This quote speaks many messages and idea’s and has a lot of power in a few sentences. Joseph has many things he is trying to say. The first is even though the labyrinth of life seems huge and unsolvable and completely new to us, every single other hero, or person, in this world of all history has gone through the same labyrinth. He says that if we just follow the path of those before. He also says that where we find an abomination, or false words, we shall find a god, and truth and goodness. The second important message is that when we try to slay, or harm others, we shall only slay or harm ourselves. In this he is saying that the only one we can hurt is ourselves and we are the only ones who can hurt ourselves. Because of this we shouldn’t try to harm each other and love each other because then all of us will be so much less hurt. The third is that we are never really alone and that in our loneliest moments we can know that we have the whole world with us.

a World of colors

It seems as though everyone has a color they are most drawn to, or a favorite color. Most people don't usually seem to think much of their favorite color as an important thing to them. To me colors mean the world because they are the world. I am synthetic, meaning I mix my senses together, for me I feel colors with almost anything. Everything, people, feelings, classes, places all have colors to them. My favorite color is red. To me red is a very real color, I feel red when I'm being most true to myself, red is the color of life, truth, health, and so much more.

Of all the books the book thief is by far my favorite. the book thief takes place in Nazi Germany in the time of WWII and is about a girl living there. the books shares about love and loss and living through life and portrays a lot of human characteristics and beliefs and customs.  

this quote is near the beginning of the book spoken by the narrator. this book holds a lot of the books meaning and the quality of the characters. this is my favorite quote from my favorite book that speaks to me deeply. it shares a lot of values of the narrator and children living through life.

life holds many good and bad experiences, throughout life i have had many of both. having to pick an absolute favorite is extremely difficult because there are so many more than just one. in the case of needing to pick just one i would have to pick a trip i took just this summer. i visited California to ride horses with my Aunt. on the last day on that trip we went riding on the beach. that evening it was foggy with few people with a glowing sunset on a wide open beach with just us. we rode and rode and just rode on the beach. 

i found it to be a magical experience with no words to describe. this picture is of my and my Aunt on the beach. this picture is very symbolic, we're riding off into the sunset like we're moving towards something beautiful and great and over all better than where we were to begin with. the sand also reflects light causing a glowing effect like we're in a bright spot of life.