battling depression

around the middle of 7th grade my life started going downhill. around that time i started questioning my sexuality as well as started struggling with keeping myself happy. i had many weeks at a time when i would cry myself to sleep nearly every night. around this time i started developing fake smiles trying to hide myself. this was the start of the symptoms of my brain chemicals becoming imbalanced causing depression. in early 8th grade it just got worse and worse. i started cutting in the 8th grade. at first it wasn’t very bad but it quickly progressed worse and worse. a little time later my parents found out and set me up with  therapist. i didn’t get along with the therapist and i lied and lied. i lied to nearly everyone around me. everyone thought i was happy as could be but on the inside i was dying. as the 8th grade year progressed i got worse and worse and i got better and better at lying. i started going to less and less sessions with my therapist because she thought i was getting better, but i was just getting better at lying. in April of the 8th grade i stopped going to my therapist completely. shortly after i had given up completely. i was in a place of extreme depression that no words could possibly describe. on the 17th of April i attempted suicide. on that night i sat down and i wrote a goodbye letter to my friends and family and i took a whole bottle of over one hundred pills. i spent the whole night waiting to die, i wanted to. when most people attempt suicide they later freak out and they go tell someone because they don't want to actually die. i didn’t tell anyone. it was over 24 hours between when i took the pills to when the police came to my house. at this point i just told them because i didn’t feel like i had a choice. i was then taken to a medical hospital and stayed there for 4 days so they could fix me up fromt eh damage i had done to myself. i was then transferred to a mental hospital and i stayed there for 9 days. when i got out was when the recovery process really started. i got a new therapist that i got along with and i worked on being true and for the past year and a half i have been slowly recovering, its been slow and painful but i’m trying. my hero cycle has been about me trying to overcome the imbalance of my brain chemicals. its not something most people can see and understand but it has been the past 3 years of my life, so to me its everything.