fianl analysis

when i first read the poem i saw the poem solely in a light of death and decay, but through the process of studying it i was able to see the poem in a light of hope and forward movement. i only saw the poem as a poem of grief with no happy ending. but as i studied the poem and had others teach me about it i learned that it was uplifting with an important message.

when i first read the poem i came across a couple lines that i thought i completely understood, but in all reality didn’t. i didn’t understand what a flagellant was or why it would even be mentioned in the poem. when i looked up the definition of flagellant i became even more confused about why that term would be mentioned in the poem. eventually Jose explained it to me and how it represents the exhaustion the speaker has.

i also didn’t understand what cataracts were or what they had to do with the poem. by the end of the process though i understood that the speaker was old, i wasn’t aware of that at first. i got that cataracts were an eye disease having looked up the word, but i didn’t know what it was implying. i didn’t understand its relevance to the poem.  

interview

We both entered my room, he took his place perched on the corner of my bed and i took mine on my little stool in front of my desk. my steaming hot tea was placed in the middle of my dark wooden desk waiting for its contents to cool. the chromebook sat on the corner of the desk next to the bed, angled toward the stool i was sitting at. i pulled my phone from its little pouch in my backpack and found the little recording app i had on it to record our interview. i let Jose, my mom’s boyfriend, know that it had started recording and we can start. “the first question,” i started “doesn't even have to do with the poem itself, but with the name of the poem.” He prompted me to keep going. “the name of the poem is War Widow. what does the poem mean to you without reading the poem?”

“its written by some woman who lost her husband in some war.” he responded, his answer sounded almost a little too literal for what i was going for, as i was going for the symbolism and meaning behind it. but there wasn't a lot to go off of with just the title of the poem.  I educated him on the author’s gender a little bit, and that it was in reality, written by a man. I handed him the chromebook from my desk with the poem open for him to read. The room became quiet as he began to read. I became increasingly more aware of my old pendulum clock sitting firmly on my wall as it cheerfully sang its song of time. i watched the pendulum rock back and forth in time with the ticks and the tocks. my dog gently pushed my cracked door open enough for her little body to fit through. she explored my room, sniffing it as though it was the first time she had ever been in my room, though she often visited. i reached down from my stool to pet her and lifted her into my lap. i hugged her close, grateful for the cuddly warmth she provided. A short amount of time had passed my mom entered my room. She left the door wide open, a wide gaping hole that i prefer to be shut the majority of the time. The open door gave me a view of the basement hallway, with its bright white walls trying to mask the darkness. The old, tattered linoleum flooring that has been there for as long as i can remember. she had come with news of a video having completed downloading for my ASL class. i had spent the previous two hours working on downloading the video i needed, having lost all my work in the process. i felt a surge of relief with this news knowing i could finish my project. my mom offered to transcribe the interview for me to help out and make up for lost time with my other project. She made her way to the part of my bed buried in the corner. she leaned on the pillows i kept propped up for comfortable sitting when i didn't need my desk to work. Jose seemed completely unaware of the interactions around him. we spent a few more minutes in silence, my mom and I waiting for Jose to finish reading the poem. the clock kept its steady pace in our silence, once again, the only sound in the room. In the silence the gap left by my door seemed to grow and taunt me. I got up and shut the door locking of us in the comfortable cave known as my room. The sound of the clock proved to be, once again to only sound in the room. My mom tried to fill the silence with conversation about how to make up the work I had lost. we made a plan of how to go about that. Only a few more ticks of the clock kept Jose occupied with the poem and we were ready to interview.

He handed the computer back to me and I placed it in its original spot on the desk. I clicked the tab containing my questions . “What did you think of the poem?” I continued, using the second question on the list.

“I think it um,” he began, it was a relatively open question, requiring an answer with more thought and time put into it. “It wants to convey a message of decay and death, and its addressed to a woman who lost her husband in a war, I suppose”

“Addressed to, or addressed about?” I questioned, needing to be sure i heard him correctly

“addressed to” he confirmed “addressed to because it uses you. ‘you open the letter, you ride the elevator, you receive the letter.” I hadn't picked up on the addressed to piece of the poem and I took mental note of that.

My mom had fallen behind in her transcribing and asked for a repeat in what was just said so she could write it down.

I continued on with my second question “what did you notice about the poem?”

He paused, needing to think about this question as well. The fast paced ticking clock seemed to be pressuring him into answer, though he didn't perceive it this way. “I noticed,” he started with his answer “that if it weren't for the title, I wouldn't know what the poem was about.” he continued “Because it didn't even mention war, all that it mentions is a letter. But if it weren't for the title I wouldn't know what the letter was about.”

My mom’s quick fingers raced to keep up with his  quickened speaking pace.

“You know, the government telling this woman that her husband died during the war.”

“so you didn’t pick that up even from the telephone static?” i asked, mentioning the little things in the poem that i had originally thought to obviously state the war.

“no,” his answer was given quickly, with no hesitation in his answer “it could mean many different things.”

“what makes you think it was her husband?” i asked, trying to come up with a decent question off the top of my head

“because it said ‘widow’, ‘war widow’” he stated. i hung my head in realization of how obvious that answer was.

“is there anything that's confusing about the poem?” i asked having moved back to the written questions realizing they might be more helpful

“yes” the answer came quickly but the explanation took a little more time in being spoken, “what does she do for a living?” his answer made me giggle a little bit, what she does for a living seemed completely irrelevant to me. “Because,” he continued after hearing my giggle, “the last paragraph mentions she’s riding the elevator all day, non stop. so it makes me wonder, whether she... this is like some really old profession, one of those, elevator ‘bring people’ that just bring people up and down the elevator in the building, so i don’t know. It must be a very old poem, because i’m really puzzled about what her profession is.”

“its not that old of a poem” i stated, trying to answer his question on the age of the poem.

“maybe it refers to some person long dead” he suggested

I took another short break from the interview itself to check on my mom and how she was doing with the typing.

“is that the only thing that's confusing about the poem?” i continued my question

there was a pause filled with thinking. i set my dog down as she was panting from the head provided from my lap and the warm spring day.

“yes, there's another thing. the tea.” his confusion there was confusing to me, it had seemed normal when i had read the poem. “the tea and the cup. it seems like the cup is between the tea, when you would think that the tea would be within the cup. but the way it's phrased is kinda strange. So i didn't really understand that”

my mom interrupted again to catch up on writing.

“do you have any connection to the poem?” i continued when allowed. there was a long pause waiting for this answer. the clock once again made itself present in my conscious. its ticks and tocks calculating the length of the pause in answering. i reached down to pet my dog that had  started pestering Jose for attention. i tested my tea to see if it had cooled down enough to drink. it was no longer at a temperature that threatened to burn even through the cup, but it wasn't quite at a comfortable temperature yet. i breathed in its sweet, healing fumes, anticipating the time when its cool enough to drink.

finally, after quite the pause he answered “my job” he said almost as a question than an answer. “Because its really boring, sounds just as boring as that lady’s job riding the elevator up and down.” he continued “that's my connection to this poem. i haven’t lost anyone in a war so i have no idea what this means.” i found his answer to be almost comical. it was not quite the answer i was expecting.  

“you seem pretty stuck on that elevator” i stated thinking about how most of his answers focused on the elevator part of the poem.

“What emotions does the poem convey to you, other than the simple sadness and death?” I questioned.

“Loneliness, decay, oblivion.” He listed off the obvious emotions of the poem. “the first three paragraphs evoke very powerful emotions, in terms of everything decaying.” this answer heald no new information for me and i kinda laughed at how obvious the answer had been. “but the last one though,” he added “the last paragraph is very uplifting, because by her act of stopping the elevator between floors, she’s able to cheat death. she’s not reaching her destination.”

“wait, wait, wait,” my mom interjected, she needed the last few sentences to be re-stated.

“she hangs onto life” Jose helps her with her typing. “by stopping the elevator between floors, and in that way she’s cheating death”

“Cheating death?” i request more information in this area

“the metaphor is not reaching her destination. she’s prolonging the moment”

“why would she want to cheat death if her husbands dead?” i reach for more information and insight from him

“just to enjoy life. the fact that her husband is dead doesn't mean that she is. She still has her life.” he responded “after all she went through and all the decay and he old age, she’s still willing to live. prolonging the moment”

I found this to be inspiring and uplifting and had the desire to ask more of it, but no question came to me in time. i thought, the clock seemed to pressure me into thinking of something faster. ‘their waiting on you, think faster’ it said to me in my head. the prolonged moments of stress from the day were catching up to me in this moment. my head raced, looking for any possible question that would be worthy of asking.

“what did the uplifting-ness of the poem so impactful for you?” my pressured mind pulled the question from the available resources. i knew as i was asking it it was as pointless question, but i had asked it and might as well go with it.

“because its just the contrast with the rest of the poem. up until the last paragraph it’s pretty depressing, but then you get to the end of the poem and there is the contrast. its something positive in her life, something as lame as stopping the elevator in her boring job. And to her that's uplifting because she’s enjoying the moment.”

“do you think that's really important?” i prolonged the discussion

“oh yeah, i think its really important because she’s old, she’s lost her husband, she has a boring job, but she’s still enjoying life.”

“what makes you think she’s old?” her age kept coming up and i never saw anything about her age

“the cataracts” he bluntly answered

“what are cataracts?”

“Cataracts are a disease of the eye that develope usually in the older years”

“Willow stop it” i interrupted him as my dog had started pestering him even more for his attention. She had completely bored of my room and had moved on to demand love and attention.

“something i didn't understand,” i continued, “there is a line in the poem ‘like an old flagellant’ (Abani IV, xvi), what does that mean?”

“a flagellant is someone that whips his or her back with a whip”

“i had understood that much, but what does that have to do with the poem?”

“well, she doesn't even have the energy to whip herself. she’s so exhausted and drained by the loneliness and the decay and the death that she can’t even whip herself.”

“ok” i said, with my new understanding “that's all i need, i think that's enough to write my paper”

i was happy with all the new insight i had gathered, and excited and ready to write my paper. i reached down to pet my long neglected puppy and get the rest of my work done.

poem research

word definitions:
limned- depict or describe in paintings or words
cataracts-
debris- scattered fragments, usually from something destroyed
flagellant- people who whip themselves for religious or sexual purposes
whittled-carved from wood, reduced in size.

Author info:
Chris Abani is from Afikpo, Nigeria and was writing about from a very young age. he published his first book while he was still a teenager. his government thought his book was a plan to over throw the government and threw him in jail. after he was released he argued for the overthrow of the government and was jailed again. during this time in jail he went through months of solitary confinement, and other forms of torture. he eventually escaped Nigeria and moved to England and then later moved to the united states, his writing influenced by his traumatic experiences of his life.

Poem Analysis info:
at the begining of the poem the speaker picks up the phone but only hears static. the speaker wishes for their loved ones but know they're not there. when they trace the leaf, they're tracing memories. the distance of the memories seems clouded but still hasn't forgotten good times.
they know they have to move on in the third paragraph in order to get better, but there is still sorrow.
and in the last paragraph they have to learn to cope with death. and that lfe after death improves each day.




Works cited:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Abani
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/bio/chris-abani
http://chrisabani.com/about-chris/

Siddhartha essay

Siddhartha goes through a huge spiritual growth through the course of the book. He goes through many trials and tests but in the end he is a much better person than who he started out as. He becomes enlightened in the world through learning the things he did, and he let himself learn them. He transforms from being pride and arrogant to having the ability to listen and love.

An important lesson Siddhartha learned on his mission of life is the art of listening. To know how to listen is rare knowledge that Siddhartha does not know right away, and he has to spend time to learn this. He learns how to do this from the river. “Above all it taught him how to listen- how to listen with a quiet heart and waiting, open soul, without passion, without desire, without judgment, without opinion”(Hesse 90). The river teaches him the skill of listening. He learns how important to listen, and simply listen, without many other factors playing into the act, as it’s so easy to do. He learns the act that is as difficult to learn as is to do, But he does learn. He learns how listen and embraces his listening ability. “Siddhartha listened. He was now completely and utterly immersed in his listening…he felt he had now succeeded in learning how to listen” (Hesse 113). He completely learns how to listen. And he immerses himself in it, just listening. The art of knowing how to listen is important and he learns a lot from it. “…when he listened neither for the sorrow nor for the laughter, when he did not attach his soul to any one voice and enter into it with his ego but rather heard all of them, heard the whole, the oneness…”(Hesse 114). The art of listening has given him the ability to connect with the oneness of the world and completely be part of it, and understand it. Without being able to listen he would be unconnected and lost, but through listening, he learns the way of the world.

Through the course of the book Siddhartha was able to shed most of the pride he had started off with. He made prideful remarks to people he knew, and even the famous Buddha. “But now, according to you very same doctrine, this oneness and logical consistency of all things is nevertheless interrupted at one point; there is a tiny hole through which something strange is flowing into this world of oneness, something new…” (Hesse 29). During this point it was Siddhartha’s goal to point out an error in the Buddha’s teachings.  He is full of pride in this moment to think that he can deny the teachings that came to the Buddha. Through the course of his life, going through many trials, his pride is shed. And he loses this fatal flaw he once possessed. “He had been full of pride- always the cleverest, always the most eager, always a step ahead of others…” (Hesse 83). He comes to realize his own pride, and how it had held him back through the years.  This is a huge growth shown in Siddhartha and his relationship with the world.

Love is something Siddhartha had very little of in the beginning of the story, though over time he learned how to love the world and others. Near the begging of the book he claims that he can’t love while speaking with Kamala. “’I am like you. You too, do not love- how else could you practice love as an art? Perhaps people of our sort are incapable of love. The child people can love; that is their secret” (Hesse 63). While he is still in this state he cannot love. Love is something he has not experienced. Though he does not have it at the beginning he goes through a transformation and gains the ability to love, and love his son. “But he loved him and preferred the sorrow and worry of love to the happiness and peace he had known without the boy.” (Hesse 99). He learns to love the way the child people love, he learned to love someone more than himself. Even though the love of his son brings no joy, he loves him, and he prefers this feeling of love. It’s something he learns to do. As well as learning how to love others he learns how to love the world itself. “But what interests me is being able to love the world, not scorn it, not to hate it and hate myself, but to look at it and myself and all beings with love and admiration and reverence” (Hesse 123). Learning to love the world was hard for Siddhartha, and it was not something that came naturally to him. But in the end he was capable of loving the world. Siddhartha had to learn to love the world. And in the end he did.

Siddhartha goes through a lot to be enlightened and learn how to love, listen, and let go of his pride but he in the end does learn it. “He had died, and a new Siddhartha had awoken from sleep” (Hesse 83). Parts of him died, causing much pain and suffering, but he grew from that. And he learned. And he became one with the world. 

War Widow

War Widow
-Chris Abani

The telephone never rings. Still
you pick it up, smile into the static,
the breath of those you've loved; long dead.

The leaf you pick from the fall
rises and dips away with every ridge.
Fingers stiff from time, you trace.

Staring off into a distance limned
by cataracts and other collected debris,
you have forgotten none of the long-ago joy
of an ice-cream truck and its summer song.

Between the paving stones;
between tea, a cup, and the sound
of you pouring;
between the time you woke that morning
and the time when the letter came,
a tired sorrow: like and old flagellant
able only to tease with a weak sting.

Riding the elevator all day,
floor after floor after floor,
each stop some small victory whittled
from the hard stone of death, you smile.
they used to write epics about moments like this.

Sidhartha chapters 7-12

during the last chapters of the book Sidhartha, he grows extremely. he grows from being a prideful young boy running away from his father to a wise ferryman. he forgets everything he once knew among the child people but then he learns it all plus more from the river. this is also where he meets his mentor. he learns how to listen to the world and be one with it. he learns the unity of all things, and how to be. he eventually reaches enlightenment. after a long life of many trials he truly learns the way of the world.

when Sidhartha is an older man he makes the same mistake his father made, but he makes and even worse mistake. when his son is given to him and is under his care, he gives him everything, just as his father had done for him, that is, except for freedom. when Sidhartha was a young boy he wanted to go off and learn on his own what the world was and what the world meant, but because his father loved him so much he was resistant to letting him go. his father did come to realize that it was best to let him go though. when Sidhartha has his son though, he can't let go, and the son has to run away to get away. he doesn't realize that he put his son in the same trap he was once in. it takes a long time and a painful journey for Sidhartha to realize this, and learn to love his son so much he's willing to let him go, because he never learned that lesson when he was a boy.

Sidhartha chapters 1-6

In the beginning of Sidhartha he joins the Samna's. During his time with the Samna's he learns great skills such as how to think, wait and fast, that become useful to him later in life, but he has a goal to loose himself in the world. This is a very interesting way to look at life. it seems as though he's trying to kill and rid of something that cant die and wont leave. He's trying so hard to rid of himself that he forgets that his self is another essential part of existence. He's trying to loose himself so much in the world that he forgets that he is a part of the world as well. eventually he realizes that this isn't where he's supposed to be and he leaves, having learned much but still not being fulfilled.

he does all of this with his good friend, Govinda, who sticks with him even though he can be prideful. they become Samna's together. He follows him, making them almost seem attached at the hip for the first part of the story. sadly they detach when they encounter the Buda, that Govinda wants to follow but Sidhartha does not. at this point they part form each other. Govinda was a loyal friend to Sidhartha during the book.

Siddhartha quotes

by, Daria Leonesio & Fernando Subia

'"I do not wish to walk upon water" Siddhartha replied. "let elderly Samanas content themselves with such tricks."' (Hesse 22)

"...each drop heavy with hope, each drop heavy with doubt." (Hesse 19)

"But he has given me Sidhartha, given me myself" (Hesse 32)

"But I was unable to overcome it, i could only trick it, could only run away from it and hide" 

(Hesse 34)

metamorphosis reflection

Gregor, a man transformed into a bug, was caring and selfless ‘till the end. He spent and sacrificed his whole life to support and help his family, even when his family wasn’t good and nice to him back. He worked away years of his life to pay off a debt that wasn’t even his own. “Once I’ve got together the money to pay off my parents’ debt to him” (Kafka 1). The Debt isn’t even his own yet he is willing to pay it off. Not only was he working to pay off his parents debt but also to simply support them in things that weren’t even truly needs. “he felt a great pride that he had been able to provide such a life for his parents and his sister in such a beautiful apartment.” (Kafka 9). He has provided with a much larger and nicer apartment than they needed. And he worked for this when the money could have been going towards the debt. He works so his family can live in luxury, while he is off spending all of his time working his life away. When Gregor was first turned into a bug there wasn’t even the slightest hint of self-pity or any worry for himself. He was simply worried about his family. “I am concerned about my parents and my sister. I’m in a fix, but I’ll work myself out of it again.”(Kafka 7). He’s willing to work himself away for his family. He’s only worried about his position and how it will affect his family, not himself. Gregor will completely away for the wellbeing of his family, eve if they aren’t worth it.

Gregor’s family completely took him for granted as a human and blamed him for their problems when he could no longer provide for them, when they should be providing for themselves or at least appreciating the work he does and not just simply expecting it. When Gregor didn’t get out of bed the morning he was transformed, his mother was only concerned for him missing the train, not whether or not he was ok. “‘Gregor,’ a voice called—it was his mother—‘it’s quarter to seven. Don’t you want to be on your way?’” (Kafka 2). His mother just see’s him as a thing to provide for them, not as a son who can get sick and might need a little help and support.  His parents had taken the money that Gregor had worked for and stored it in savings. “rejoicing over this unanticipated foresight and frugality. True, with this excess money, he could really have paid off more of his father’s debt to his employer and the day on which he could be rid of this position would have been a lot closer, but now things were doubtless better the way his father had arranged them.”(Kafka 12) its good to be frugal and save money away for emergencies, but they weren’t worried about how Gregor might feel about that. They weren’t concerned about sucking his years away from him. In the end even the sister no longer saw him as human. “‘My dear parents,’ said the sister banging her hand on the table by way of an introduction, ‘things cannot go on any longer in this way. Maybe if you don’t understand that, well, I do. I will not utter my brother’s name in front of this monster, and thus I say only that we must try to get rid of it. We have tried what is humanly possible to take care of it and to be patient. I believe that no one can criticize us in the slightest.’”(Kafka 23). When he turns into a bug they forget that he is actually their family member. It’s hard to even see that they ever saw him as a family member and simply as someone who worked for their good. Gregor was taken advantage of by his own family who considered him a burden as soon as he stopped providing them with what they were used to.

metamorphosis intro.

reading the first couple pages of the Metamorphosis has been really fascinating. Gregor's reaction to becoming a bug is quite fascinating. most people i know including myself would scream and call for help if turned into a bug, but Gregor's only thought and concern is getting to work, it seems to be that is the one thing he cares about.   this reaction resembles the workaholic functionality of many people in this society. it resembles how bizar it is that people will waste their lives away and become a disgusting creature that no one wants to be around, and even through that care too much about work, and do nothing but.

Gregor then lies to his parents, sisters and manager saying he's perfectly ok when he really isn't and had been turned into a bug. the thought doesn't even cross his mind to mention his current state of species, simply trying to get up and out the door to catch the next train. this resembles many peoples attention to what is really important in life. because they are caught up in their work and redundant cycle they live in they miss everything else life has to offer, whether it be good or bad. 

franz kafka

Kafka was born july 3, 1883 as a first child to a merchant. Kafka grew up jewish fluent in both German and Czech. as a child he was a good student but longed to give more time to his writing. his father was a merchant selling clothing to both men and women, Kafka describes his father as oppressing. his father never really understood his creative side and yearning to write. he claims that his father has influenced his work tremendously. his mother was a lot gentler to him and was a lot more wistful. both parents were often off on business leaving Kafka and his siblings

as an adult Kafka studied law. he first worked at an insurance company but wasn't happy with the schedule as it took away from his writing time. he then resigned and found work at a different insurance company. he never seemed to love his job, he didn't hate it or love it. his dad referred to Kafka's job as a "bread job" referring to his job being there just to put food on the table and providing money and essentials, where Kafka thought of writing to be his real work.

Kafka's style of writing isn't one that is often quoted but instead is recognized for its perspective and visual qualities.

died June 3, 1924, of sickness that caused his throat to swell leaving no way for him to eat. at the time he was living they didn't have technology with alternate ways of feeding, and because his throat was in too much pain to eat he had no nutrition supplied to him, making his cause of death to probably be starvation. he was never famous when alive, though that never bothered him, and he became famous shortly after his death.

cantos 19-30

the continuing of the presentations has been interesting. its strange to see the sins change to different themes though it doesn't really seem like the punishments are getting much worse, and it doesn't seem like the sins are either. it seems like it should get worse as you go down but it doesn't seem that way at all. all of the sins and punishments are terrible, but i cant see one as being much worse than another. one change that i am seeing is that the sins seem to be getting more creative. i dont think i have the creativity to come up with some of these things.

Canto 20 with the magicians seems interesting to me. i never thought magic to be a sin. i always saw it as a form of entertainment, as good as any other. and i don't think that it should ever be a sin to want to learn more like the astrologers. i think thats a good part of human nature that should be fed, because thats how we grow as a people. so the fact that that was a sin seemed a bit backwards to me, a little like their heads. the creativity of having their heads turned around seemed fascinating as well. i most certainly never would have thought of that. i also thought it to be strange that there was only one canto with being cut as a sin. it seems like half the punishments are burning, and i feel like being cut and burning are equally as popular. maybe this is just my own belief, but i thought there was a bit too much burning and not enough variety in other punishments.

cantos 1-18

i have really been enjoying learning about the canto's of hell. i think that all of the presentations have been really interesting and informative. the style of studying Dante's inferno is so much more enjoyable than what i have heard from in other classes. i find it to be very visually stimulating and interesting. i particularly thought canto one, or limbo, to be really interesting. i always thought that those who simply didn't believe in god simply went to purgatory. i thought it strange that it was something bad enough to go to hell for. it also shocked me how close that is to many people's lives. i have heard the story of feeling lost and without hope so many times that its just interesting that that is the punishment, forced to live the life that so many on earth are already living.

in learning about Dante's inferno i found it strange that committing suicide was deeper in hell than murder. i thought the punishments for both these cantos to be really creative. i thought it to be particularly symbolic that the murderers burned in the blood that they shed. i also thought the tree idea to be symbolic to the suicides. i also thought it to be a bit extreme because of the motives of those who choose that path.  those two cantos seemed particularly intriguing to me.

Hell

hell is a place without anything good. it is the ultimate time of everything bad happening in the worst way possible. hell is colorless and cold without much in it. it has only what it needs to bring people fear, pain and loss. you can get out of it though for some that can be unlikely. and everyone at least visits it.

1. to some extent i think that almost everyone deserves to go to hell. i think that everyone had committed crimes worthy of that. it could also go that no one deserves to go to hell. i think that everyone has committed crimes and good things, and i cant see how one can out weigh the others. i have a hard time ranking crimes as more ok or worse. i think everyone will go through hell or has gone through hell. i don't think that anyone deserves to go to hell eternally. but i do think that everyone has sins that need to be punished as well as good things they have done that deserve reward. so everyone to me passes through hell before reaching heaven. anything sinful you do is worthy of sending you to hell.


2. the punishments in hell are to fit the person. this is because not everyone responds or hates the same things. hell is centered around how to punish the person in the most effective manner. it will put you in the situation most painful for the person.


3. my hell has no variation. if i go to hell, and if it is what i think it to be i will, it will be stagnent with no room for growth. hell is large enough to fit everyone but it is crowded. there is little room for movement and the constant busy exhaustion of being around people all the time. and the people cannot be blocked out. but even though there is the constant being around people it is impossible to make a connection.  its like being stuck in a place where everyone speaks a different language and you only get the down sides of being around people and none of the benefits. i do not think there is any sharp pain in hell, because i would rather feel pain than nothing, as demented as that sounds. i think pain is a slow ache that you cant ignore or get rid of. its jus there leaving an almost numb feeling, but a numbing ache. and it is cold and hopeless... like the feeling of being out in the cold too long without enough jackets, but only so cold, so you stay conscious through the cold.

4. hell does not choose to release you. in hell you are lost forever stuck in an insolvable maze. in hell there is no help, and there is no hope. in hell you loose all hope of ever escaping. it isn't necessarily eternal, but it feels like it when in hell. and you can only escape when you become aware. there are lots of exits in hell, its just hell is designed to keep your focus off them and onto the lost feeling, the hopelessness, the fear, the ache, the exhaustion or the loneliness. but if you become aware you can find help and escape. you have to be willing to ask for help, and willing of change. you stay there as long as you like. nothing forces you to stay, except your sins.

5. hell cannot have a symbol because it varies too much between people. i don't know how to put a symbol to all of the bad things that happen in the world. its impossible to describe it well enough with words and just as unlikely to use a symbol to describe it. we use the word hell to try to represent something thats hard for us to even fathom and its the closest symbol that i know of that we can make. we could draw a symbol but it would be hard for that symbol to mean anymore than the word hell.  a symbol for the hell i think i would go into would be a sand tunnel maze. i have constant nightmares of small sand tunnels that i have to crawl through that are so small you can only army crawl through them. this brings feelings of being trapped, lost and lonely and these are the things i struggle most with. i don't believe that my tunnel is the universal symbol for hell, i don't believe there is one, but that is mine.

6. the idea of wanting to send those you love to hell. if you love someone its hard to think that they deserve to go to hell. thinking of your friends or family in hell is hard and it hurts. its easy to send those you don't like or disagree with or simply don't know to hell. there is no feelings in your heart other than morality that would make you care that they're there. if you do believe in a hell then you have to believe that there are people there and you don't have any attachment to them. but once you start realizing that these people are loved too, even if they did really bad things and hurt lots of people like hitler did, they still have those that care about them, and they care about others as much as you do. these are mostly people who made mistakes and didn't realize that what they did was wrong. would you really send someone to hell for ignorance? would you like to be sent to hell for ignorance? would you like to live eternally in hell in constant suffering of everything you hate and dislike and what causes you pain and discomfort. sending yourself to hell is hard as well. hell does not have to be eternal and i believe that everyone goes there at some point. but everyone also gets to visit heaven for a time too.

poster week

this past week has been fun and chaotic. there has been a lot of stress trying to get the essay written and getting all of the necessary items for the poster. forgetting simple items such as tape has been really stressful in the making of our poster. there was always a rush to get the things done as quickly as possible while still trying to make it look good. i really enjoyed taking part in the poster project and enjoyed it more than the hero cycle poster. i really felt as though i played my part in helping out and coming up with cool ideas and loving the movie with my group. the finished project of our poster is something i am proud of. i honestly think we did a very good job on it. i enjoyed making the jellyfish and wrapping the presents making the id and badge and gluing on glass. creations like this are things that i love. there of course are things that could be better and in would change in hindsight but over all i am very proud of it.

after this project the movie we watched Seven Pounds has become a part of my soul. i have a deep emotional attachment to the movie now and am now in the process of making all of my friends watch it. this friday and monday my group got to present and it was fun and enjoyable to share our film with the class. i have also been enjoying watching the posters of other groups and have been really inspired by film. i now want to see all of the other movies. this week has also been really inspiring to me to get back to writing on my own and get a little bit more progress done on my novel. this week has been really enjoyable and inspiring to me.

Odipus rex info

Oedipus Rex-

-man: Oedipus was a man with good intentions but a tragic out come. his story is based purely on fate. he tries to do what is right but in the end is condemned. 

-myth- The Myth of Oedipus Rex is much older than the play and the ancient greeks knew well of his story. they myth explains the inability to escape fate. oedipus is fated to kill his father and sleep with his mother. his parents upon hearing this tried to kill him to stop the prophesy. he instead is given and adopted by a different family. Oedipus does everything in his power to not fulfill his prophesy but in the end causes it all to happen. 

-play- the play is written off the myth of Oedipus and goes into depth and detail of the myth and plays it out in an understandable sequence. the play brings the audiences attachment to the character and in the end puts pity and fear into the audience. 

Aristotle- Aristotle was a student of Plato from age 18 to 37 in Athens. he later became a teacher to three different kings, Alexander the Great, Ptolemy, and Cassander, as head of the royal academy. he is thought to have been the last person to know everything there was for his time. He is one of the three best greek philosophers and has created western philosophy into what it is today and began the scientific process we still use today. 

-tragedy- Aristotle says that a good tragedy is serious, complete and of a certain magnitude. a play must be shown and not told and written in a clear cause and effect chain that could happen in any time or place. He believes that plot is the most important part of a tragedy and that the characters simply support it. 

-hubris- is an act of arrogance and strong pride, and acting extremely self-important. it's when someone shames or humiliated someone, not because they did something or will do something wrong but simply for self pleasure of the abuser. the concept that by treating someone badly will make their own self better and more superior. 

Greek theater- 

Greek theaters were usually outdoors without roofs and in the arrangement seen below. greek plays usually just had three actors that changed masks to change character. the masks covered the whole head of the actor with small holes for the eyes and mouth. the masks bring the character closer to the audience and allows for the audience to associate each mask with each character instead of the actors. 

Dramatic irony-

Dramatic irony is when the audience of a play, book, or film or other such creation know of events or other important pieces of information that the character is still unaware of. this can evoke an emotional response in the audience that makes them want to scream at the character to prevent them from committing foolish actions. this is great in tragedies when the audience knows of the tragic fate of the character and their actions simply fulfill it.

Sophocles was born into a wealthy family and had access to good education. he was physically attractive, had athletic ability, and was skilled at music. He wrote 123 dramas for the greek festivals and in the 30 times he competed he won 24 and may have never gotten lower than second place. 

Teiresias-

Teiresias was a prophet who could see the future through vision, he understood the language of the birds and could read their signs, as well as reading signs from fire or smoke, though he mostly relied on his connection to the underworld and the dead. Teiresias was blinded, some stories say Athena blinded him after seeing her bathe, though other stories simply say the gods blinded him for reviling their secret. Teiresias also spend seven years of his life as a woman, this was the result of displeasing the goddess Hera, though after 7 years he did the right thing and he was returned to his masculinity. 

Fate- to the greeks fate was unchangeable, it was what would happen to the person and nothing could be changed. the fate of a person was decided by the three fates of mythology that spun the thread of life and in the end cut it. the fates are said to be older than the gods and it is unknown how old they really are, and it is said that even the gods don't mess with them, and that they have spun the life of the gods as well as everything else. the fates are what create the fate of each individual and the world itself. it cannot be changed or fully known, and they write out the famous myths and stories of the greeks.

connection

Connection

Baraka, a beautifully put together film, makes connections to our first semester while bringing compassion and wonderment, impacting one like no other. in first semester we studied satire and bringing attention to the wrongs of this world, this film does that very well. it shows the ills of the world in an honest light allowing for change to them. just as the semester brought contrast to, the film brought contrast to the beautiful and dark of the world. it showed the wonders the world holds as well as the terrors. There are many more wonders that that Brussat spoke of. some of which include the powerful waves of the sea, forcing itself out of a hole in a rock, and the waves crashing across the shoreline rocks, demonstrating an almost incomprehensible power. the time lapses of the clouds in the sky give them a water like effect as they move and cascade across the sky rippling and moving almost as if it were a waterfall. the clips of the waterfalls themselves were powerful and peaceful. they cascaded in roars off the side of the cliff, in contrast to the peaceful green life surrounding it. these all invoke wonderment in someone. they are beautiful and powerful and leave one in awe of the world. seeing the many different tribes evokes a power within one’s being and brings a connection to the world. this brings out compassion, when there is connection compassion flows through, and through understanding and connecting with those yet undiscovered will bring the gift of compassion through.

The most impactful images through my eyes are the ones of destruction, sorrow, and separation from nature. the covered view of boxes for homes is saddening. there isn’t much beauty in those images. the lack of nature or access to better homes by the people is saddening. people deserve beautiful homes, not large or grandeur, just a nice place to live. the lack of nature to the people is saddening. though within that there are images of young boys and children bringing out feelings of compassion for the young, innocent beings doing what they can to enjoy life. simple joys such as kite flying and spendign time with friends. joy within the destruction and sadness is beautiful and impacting, and it stands out like a candle in darkness. the women in the cigarette factory give a caged feeling. the tedious, yet necessary task of rolling cigarette after cigaret for just enough money for the living of life. rolling cigarettes is a tedious, mind numbing task that seems to get nowhere. the same task over and over again feels caging and no true reward is brought, not to the mind and soul. the slowed time of the urban life in subways relaxes the merry-go-round, for a little bit, but the slowing seems forced, knowing that each person has another thought on their mind and tasks at hand. the beauty of the mind is wondrous, but none of the minds are rested. the life of the city is so rushed that the smallest breaks are forced and not used wisely. the fast motion of city life gives the effect of the rushed time we all live in. the clock ticked through time at a faster speed than it should, time goes by faster than we would all like it to. the burning of the baby chicks seemed the most impactful. it was shocking to see. the chicks are each beings with a life and a mind and a soul, whether the mind is as big as the human’s is out of question. the chicks are treated as if they were inanimate objects, without life. the lack of sight to the life is saddening. the cruelty was impactful, something i don’t think i’ll be able to forget. the sound sets the mood, if it is happy, sad, energetic, or peaceful. the sound goes with each image to give the appropriate mood for one to be in. the movement gives the view in which to see it, are you looking down on the world, is it below you, or is it so much greater than you can see? the movement of the camera gives life to the images being seen. the film’s goal is simply to teach. to teach of the world. it gives awareness to what is out there. it is easy to get sucked into the life you are living, as if it is the only life out there that matters. it is easy to forget the importance of others, and where items come from. its easy to forget how interconnected the human race really is to the world and only think about the here and now, and not everything else, and how great it is.