metamorphosis reflection

Gregor, a man transformed into a bug, was caring and selfless ‘till the end. He spent and sacrificed his whole life to support and help his family, even when his family wasn’t good and nice to him back. He worked away years of his life to pay off a debt that wasn’t even his own. “Once I’ve got together the money to pay off my parents’ debt to him” (Kafka 1). The Debt isn’t even his own yet he is willing to pay it off. Not only was he working to pay off his parents debt but also to simply support them in things that weren’t even truly needs. “he felt a great pride that he had been able to provide such a life for his parents and his sister in such a beautiful apartment.” (Kafka 9). He has provided with a much larger and nicer apartment than they needed. And he worked for this when the money could have been going towards the debt. He works so his family can live in luxury, while he is off spending all of his time working his life away. When Gregor was first turned into a bug there wasn’t even the slightest hint of self-pity or any worry for himself. He was simply worried about his family. “I am concerned about my parents and my sister. I’m in a fix, but I’ll work myself out of it again.”(Kafka 7). He’s willing to work himself away for his family. He’s only worried about his position and how it will affect his family, not himself. Gregor will completely away for the wellbeing of his family, eve if they aren’t worth it.

Gregor’s family completely took him for granted as a human and blamed him for their problems when he could no longer provide for them, when they should be providing for themselves or at least appreciating the work he does and not just simply expecting it. When Gregor didn’t get out of bed the morning he was transformed, his mother was only concerned for him missing the train, not whether or not he was ok. “‘Gregor,’ a voice called—it was his mother—‘it’s quarter to seven. Don’t you want to be on your way?’” (Kafka 2). His mother just see’s him as a thing to provide for them, not as a son who can get sick and might need a little help and support.  His parents had taken the money that Gregor had worked for and stored it in savings. “rejoicing over this unanticipated foresight and frugality. True, with this excess money, he could really have paid off more of his father’s debt to his employer and the day on which he could be rid of this position would have been a lot closer, but now things were doubtless better the way his father had arranged them.”(Kafka 12) its good to be frugal and save money away for emergencies, but they weren’t worried about how Gregor might feel about that. They weren’t concerned about sucking his years away from him. In the end even the sister no longer saw him as human. “‘My dear parents,’ said the sister banging her hand on the table by way of an introduction, ‘things cannot go on any longer in this way. Maybe if you don’t understand that, well, I do. I will not utter my brother’s name in front of this monster, and thus I say only that we must try to get rid of it. We have tried what is humanly possible to take care of it and to be patient. I believe that no one can criticize us in the slightest.’”(Kafka 23). When he turns into a bug they forget that he is actually their family member. It’s hard to even see that they ever saw him as a family member and simply as someone who worked for their good. Gregor was taken advantage of by his own family who considered him a burden as soon as he stopped providing them with what they were used to.

metamorphosis intro.

reading the first couple pages of the Metamorphosis has been really fascinating. Gregor's reaction to becoming a bug is quite fascinating. most people i know including myself would scream and call for help if turned into a bug, but Gregor's only thought and concern is getting to work, it seems to be that is the one thing he cares about.   this reaction resembles the workaholic functionality of many people in this society. it resembles how bizar it is that people will waste their lives away and become a disgusting creature that no one wants to be around, and even through that care too much about work, and do nothing but.

Gregor then lies to his parents, sisters and manager saying he's perfectly ok when he really isn't and had been turned into a bug. the thought doesn't even cross his mind to mention his current state of species, simply trying to get up and out the door to catch the next train. this resembles many peoples attention to what is really important in life. because they are caught up in their work and redundant cycle they live in they miss everything else life has to offer, whether it be good or bad. 

franz kafka

Kafka was born july 3, 1883 as a first child to a merchant. Kafka grew up jewish fluent in both German and Czech. as a child he was a good student but longed to give more time to his writing. his father was a merchant selling clothing to both men and women, Kafka describes his father as oppressing. his father never really understood his creative side and yearning to write. he claims that his father has influenced his work tremendously. his mother was a lot gentler to him and was a lot more wistful. both parents were often off on business leaving Kafka and his siblings

as an adult Kafka studied law. he first worked at an insurance company but wasn't happy with the schedule as it took away from his writing time. he then resigned and found work at a different insurance company. he never seemed to love his job, he didn't hate it or love it. his dad referred to Kafka's job as a "bread job" referring to his job being there just to put food on the table and providing money and essentials, where Kafka thought of writing to be his real work.

Kafka's style of writing isn't one that is often quoted but instead is recognized for its perspective and visual qualities.

died June 3, 1924, of sickness that caused his throat to swell leaving no way for him to eat. at the time he was living they didn't have technology with alternate ways of feeding, and because his throat was in too much pain to eat he had no nutrition supplied to him, making his cause of death to probably be starvation. he was never famous when alive, though that never bothered him, and he became famous shortly after his death.

cantos 19-30

the continuing of the presentations has been interesting. its strange to see the sins change to different themes though it doesn't really seem like the punishments are getting much worse, and it doesn't seem like the sins are either. it seems like it should get worse as you go down but it doesn't seem that way at all. all of the sins and punishments are terrible, but i cant see one as being much worse than another. one change that i am seeing is that the sins seem to be getting more creative. i dont think i have the creativity to come up with some of these things.

Canto 20 with the magicians seems interesting to me. i never thought magic to be a sin. i always saw it as a form of entertainment, as good as any other. and i don't think that it should ever be a sin to want to learn more like the astrologers. i think thats a good part of human nature that should be fed, because thats how we grow as a people. so the fact that that was a sin seemed a bit backwards to me, a little like their heads. the creativity of having their heads turned around seemed fascinating as well. i most certainly never would have thought of that. i also thought it to be strange that there was only one canto with being cut as a sin. it seems like half the punishments are burning, and i feel like being cut and burning are equally as popular. maybe this is just my own belief, but i thought there was a bit too much burning and not enough variety in other punishments.

cantos 1-18

i have really been enjoying learning about the canto's of hell. i think that all of the presentations have been really interesting and informative. the style of studying Dante's inferno is so much more enjoyable than what i have heard from in other classes. i find it to be very visually stimulating and interesting. i particularly thought canto one, or limbo, to be really interesting. i always thought that those who simply didn't believe in god simply went to purgatory. i thought it strange that it was something bad enough to go to hell for. it also shocked me how close that is to many people's lives. i have heard the story of feeling lost and without hope so many times that its just interesting that that is the punishment, forced to live the life that so many on earth are already living.

in learning about Dante's inferno i found it strange that committing suicide was deeper in hell than murder. i thought the punishments for both these cantos to be really creative. i thought it to be particularly symbolic that the murderers burned in the blood that they shed. i also thought the tree idea to be symbolic to the suicides. i also thought it to be a bit extreme because of the motives of those who choose that path.  those two cantos seemed particularly intriguing to me.

Hell

hell is a place without anything good. it is the ultimate time of everything bad happening in the worst way possible. hell is colorless and cold without much in it. it has only what it needs to bring people fear, pain and loss. you can get out of it though for some that can be unlikely. and everyone at least visits it.

1. to some extent i think that almost everyone deserves to go to hell. i think that everyone had committed crimes worthy of that. it could also go that no one deserves to go to hell. i think that everyone has committed crimes and good things, and i cant see how one can out weigh the others. i have a hard time ranking crimes as more ok or worse. i think everyone will go through hell or has gone through hell. i don't think that anyone deserves to go to hell eternally. but i do think that everyone has sins that need to be punished as well as good things they have done that deserve reward. so everyone to me passes through hell before reaching heaven. anything sinful you do is worthy of sending you to hell.


2. the punishments in hell are to fit the person. this is because not everyone responds or hates the same things. hell is centered around how to punish the person in the most effective manner. it will put you in the situation most painful for the person.


3. my hell has no variation. if i go to hell, and if it is what i think it to be i will, it will be stagnent with no room for growth. hell is large enough to fit everyone but it is crowded. there is little room for movement and the constant busy exhaustion of being around people all the time. and the people cannot be blocked out. but even though there is the constant being around people it is impossible to make a connection.  its like being stuck in a place where everyone speaks a different language and you only get the down sides of being around people and none of the benefits. i do not think there is any sharp pain in hell, because i would rather feel pain than nothing, as demented as that sounds. i think pain is a slow ache that you cant ignore or get rid of. its jus there leaving an almost numb feeling, but a numbing ache. and it is cold and hopeless... like the feeling of being out in the cold too long without enough jackets, but only so cold, so you stay conscious through the cold.

4. hell does not choose to release you. in hell you are lost forever stuck in an insolvable maze. in hell there is no help, and there is no hope. in hell you loose all hope of ever escaping. it isn't necessarily eternal, but it feels like it when in hell. and you can only escape when you become aware. there are lots of exits in hell, its just hell is designed to keep your focus off them and onto the lost feeling, the hopelessness, the fear, the ache, the exhaustion or the loneliness. but if you become aware you can find help and escape. you have to be willing to ask for help, and willing of change. you stay there as long as you like. nothing forces you to stay, except your sins.

5. hell cannot have a symbol because it varies too much between people. i don't know how to put a symbol to all of the bad things that happen in the world. its impossible to describe it well enough with words and just as unlikely to use a symbol to describe it. we use the word hell to try to represent something thats hard for us to even fathom and its the closest symbol that i know of that we can make. we could draw a symbol but it would be hard for that symbol to mean anymore than the word hell.  a symbol for the hell i think i would go into would be a sand tunnel maze. i have constant nightmares of small sand tunnels that i have to crawl through that are so small you can only army crawl through them. this brings feelings of being trapped, lost and lonely and these are the things i struggle most with. i don't believe that my tunnel is the universal symbol for hell, i don't believe there is one, but that is mine.

6. the idea of wanting to send those you love to hell. if you love someone its hard to think that they deserve to go to hell. thinking of your friends or family in hell is hard and it hurts. its easy to send those you don't like or disagree with or simply don't know to hell. there is no feelings in your heart other than morality that would make you care that they're there. if you do believe in a hell then you have to believe that there are people there and you don't have any attachment to them. but once you start realizing that these people are loved too, even if they did really bad things and hurt lots of people like hitler did, they still have those that care about them, and they care about others as much as you do. these are mostly people who made mistakes and didn't realize that what they did was wrong. would you really send someone to hell for ignorance? would you like to be sent to hell for ignorance? would you like to live eternally in hell in constant suffering of everything you hate and dislike and what causes you pain and discomfort. sending yourself to hell is hard as well. hell does not have to be eternal and i believe that everyone goes there at some point. but everyone also gets to visit heaven for a time too.

poster week

this past week has been fun and chaotic. there has been a lot of stress trying to get the essay written and getting all of the necessary items for the poster. forgetting simple items such as tape has been really stressful in the making of our poster. there was always a rush to get the things done as quickly as possible while still trying to make it look good. i really enjoyed taking part in the poster project and enjoyed it more than the hero cycle poster. i really felt as though i played my part in helping out and coming up with cool ideas and loving the movie with my group. the finished project of our poster is something i am proud of. i honestly think we did a very good job on it. i enjoyed making the jellyfish and wrapping the presents making the id and badge and gluing on glass. creations like this are things that i love. there of course are things that could be better and in would change in hindsight but over all i am very proud of it.

after this project the movie we watched Seven Pounds has become a part of my soul. i have a deep emotional attachment to the movie now and am now in the process of making all of my friends watch it. this friday and monday my group got to present and it was fun and enjoyable to share our film with the class. i have also been enjoying watching the posters of other groups and have been really inspired by film. i now want to see all of the other movies. this week has also been really inspiring to me to get back to writing on my own and get a little bit more progress done on my novel. this week has been really enjoyable and inspiring to me.